


Unsteady

by 31lostie13



Series: Little lights [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Pain, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-20
Updated: 2016-07-20
Packaged: 2018-07-25 16:11:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7539250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/31lostie13/pseuds/31lostie13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post season 3.<br/>"He needed Abby, now. But the fact that he was not alone calmed him a little bit. There was this kind of comfortable feeling when he was around Octavia."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unsteady

**Author's Note:**

> The title is a song by X Ambassadors, the song and the fic are more or less made for each other.  
> If you like to listen to music while you're reading I would definitely recommend 'Unsteady'.

Like most of the nights, she had the same nightmare. Marcus saying “You've taken the chip”, the look he gave her that moment, broken and disappointed. She wanted to scream that she was there, that she was trying to fight Alie but she couldn't. She just heard herself saying “Put him on the cross”. She wanted to wake up, afraid as always of seeing what comes next, the blood and the pain, she didn't want to see any of that. Didn't want to hear him scream. But she had to because she deserved it, she was the one who did that to him.  
But this time was different. This time was even worse than it ever been. Briggs hit the nail through Marcus' wrist and he screamed, but louder and longer than she could imagine he had to in her nightmares. She wanted it to stop, just wanted to wake up. Her eyes fluttered open and she was breathing fast, glad that it was just another nightmare, but she could still hear him scream. As quickly as she could Abby turned around her head. Every muscle of him was tense, he was trembling, his skin pale and sweaty. He looked like he was fighting for his life. 

At first, Abby wasn't capable to move, the sight of somebody she loves being in so much pain was too much to handle. She could feel tears coming up. After a deep breath she was finally able to act and leaned herself over his convulsing body. “Marcus !” she said while she shook his body to wake him up. No reaction. Her right hand moved to his forehead but she pulled it away as quickly as it got there. He was burning up with fever. His screams abated slowly. She shook him harder, “Marcus, you have to wake up!”. The door flew open and Octavia stood in the mittle of the room, one hand on her sword.

“What the hell is going on?!”.  
Her eyes scanned the now groaning and trembling Marcus Kane. Abby wiped away her tears.  
“I need wet clothes and a bucket, now!”.  
Octavia just nodded and ran away. Abby turned her head back to Marcus and started shaking him again.  
“Marcus, you need to wake up, please!”. His eyes flattered open and the painful sounds disappeared.

“It's okay, it's okay” she said in a smooth voice to calm him down after he began to breath fast and heavily. His eyes were still scanning the room, trying to find something he could hold on to.  
“Look at me, Marcus, I'm here, everything is going to be okay”.  
He looked at her.  
“Abby...”, he whispered quietly that she almost missed it. “What- what happened?”, his voice croaked and his eyes filled with pain.  
“You had a nightmare and you have fever and..”, the look on his face made her stop talking.  
“Yes, eh, I think I'm feeling sick..”.  
Octavia rushed in and gave Abby the things she asked for.

“Just in time, Octavia.” Before Octavia could ask for what 'she's just in time' she saw Marcus leaning over the bucket and threw up everything he ate that day, which wasn't really much. Meanwhile, Abby started to rub his back, saying over and over “It's okay, everything is going to be okay, I'm here”.

 

~

 

“I'm here” is everything Marcus heard. Her soft voice filled the room. He was so exhausted, his eyelids were too heavy to lift them up any longer. He closed his eyes.  
“Hey, Marcus..”.  
She laid him back, her eyes full of worry as he catched her gaze while trying to keep his eyes open.  
“Don't worry, I'm here”.  
She catched Octavias absently gaze as she tried to grab the wet clothes and jumped a little. She forgot that she was still standing in the mittle of the room, waiting for orders.  
“Thank you for your help”.  
“Sure, if you need anything else, call me”.  
She turned around and moved towards the door as she was stopped by Abby.  
“Actually, I need to get some things from medical. Would you- eh, do you mind to stay here to keep an eye on him just until I get back? It will not take long, I promise.”  
Abby could see that Octavia didn't know what to say, but as she rushed into the room the first time, she saw something unusual in her eyes. Concern. She cared. So Abby knew that it wouldn't kill her to stay a while. Octavia eyed Marcus who was still trembling and moaning. She knew he needed help.  
“Ehm, yeah.. sure”.  
Abby tapped his forehead with the wet fabric.  
“This will help to get your fever down. I will get you something sedative, meanwhile Octavia will keep an eye on you, alright?”  
“I-I'm fine..”  
“Yeah, I can see that. Just stay awake. I will be right back.”  
She kissed his cheek and gave Octavia the fabric. Then she left the room.

 

~

 

Octavia didn't know what to do, so she just stood there, looking at Kane. She couldn't imagine that she ever saw him like that. She felt sorry for him. After the last few months, he became something like a friend to her. More 'something' than a friend, she just didn't know how to name it. The feeling that overcame her everytime she was arround him – she felt save, like nothing could happen to her, she trusted him. She barely trusted anybody. So this was something completely new. 

He tried to concentrate on his breath. In some weird way he felt warm and cold at the same time. He noticed sweat running down his body. He needed Abby, now. But the fact that he was not alone calmed him a little bit. There was this kind of comfortable feeling when he was around Octavia. Besides, he felt like it's his job to keep an eye on her and he liked it. He felt responsible for her, like a father for his daughter.

She took a chair from the desk and placed it next to the bed. Since Clarke shut down the City of Light, he cared for her. At first he just came to look if she was alright, if she was eating and sleeping enough. But then he asked her how her day was, how she felt. In a strange way she liked it. After a while, they found themselves talking to each other about things they thought they would never share with another person. And it felt good. 

She carefully putted his forehead with the fabric, but as soon as it touched him, he flinched and let out a slight moan.  
“I'm sorry but you need this now.”  
He looked at her with a little smirk.  
“Thank you for-” he coughed “for being here.”  
“Of course.”

 

~

 

Abby rushed down the floors of Arkadia. She just wanted to get back as fast as she could. Most likely he had a food poisining but she didn't know from what. He was outside the camp with the guards the whole day. She prepared a list of things she would need from medical in her head. Water, a sedative (his body had to fight hardly against the poisoning, he needed some rest), a syringe (because he would possibly throw up liquid medicine), some more fabrics. She arrived at medical and started getting those things.

He slowly closed his eyes.  
“Kane, hey!”. Octavia stopped putting and shook him a little.  
“I'm awake..” he muttered.  
“Yes, you need to because Abby told you so” she said with a grin on her face. He didn't see it but he could hear her smiling. He opened his eyes. “Yeah, I guess otherwise I will get into trouble”.  
He tried to smile but it faded away quickly. A wave of heat arosed in his chest and it just needed seconds to fill his whole body. He arched his back, started trembling and sweating severely.  
He lost control over his body. Again.  
Panic overcame him. He couldn't let this happen. He swore himself he would never lose control again, not over his body. Feeling so helpless was a state he was afraid of, a state he swore he would never go back to. But here he was, his body and his mind, two seperated things. He didn't know what to do.

She saw his eyes turned dark, his face reflecting all he had been through, his body painfully bended. He started groaning, tears filled his eyes.  
“Kane! Kane, what's going on?!”.  
He didn't react, like he wasn't there anymore, the body in front of her just a silhouette without a soul. It scared her.  
“Hey, look at me!”.  
One of her hands grabbed his arm and the other one laid down on his chest which was rising unsteady.

He wasn't able to move, wasn't able to take control over his body again. It threw him back to the cross, back to the time where he tried to kill people he cared about. People who he normally would call 'family'. Actually it was Alie who did that, but it was his body. And he saw everything like he did all those things by himself. All those memories came back, they wanted to take the upper hand. No, he couldn't let that happen, he had to fight. He had to...

Octavia squeezed his arm with eyes full of worry.  
“Come back Kane, please! Do you hear me? I need you!”

 

~

 

Abby nearly dropped the things she just brought from medical. She ran over to the bed, laid the stuff down and was on her way to Marcus' bedsite. Octavia left her some space.  
“What happened?!”  
“I- I don't know, one moment he was alright and then... I don't know what happened! It was like he left somehow..”  
Abby cupped Marcus' face and turned his head so he could look at her.  
“Hey, Marcus, can you hear me?!”  
He didn't react. His face was pale, his eyes wide open, but he didn't look at her. He wasn't there... he was somewhere else.

Abby... she was the only thing he saw. But she was far away, he couldn't reach her. He wanted to grab her hand so he could feel her warmth. He tried but he failed. It was like he drifted more and more away from life.

“Marcus, you need to fight, please!”  
A tear dropped down on him. She didn't even realise that she was crying.  
“What is happening, Abby?”, Octavias' gaze full of worry.  
“I think it's a panic attack caused by the high fever... it's like you know that you're dreaming but you can't wake up.” She brushed away her tears.  
“Can he hear us?”  
“Maybe, I don't know..”  
Octavia stepped besides Abby and laid a hand on his thigh.  
“Please wake up. You're the only one I have besides Bell. You can't just leave. I need you. We need you.” She felt Abbys gaze on her.  
Abby squeezed her shoulder.  
“He needs you too.” She whispered.

He could hear them. Abby. Octavia. He tried to push through the wall which hold him back, he couldn't give up. He had people who cared about him and he cared about them too. He felt strength rising up in him, he kept fighting. Something laid in his hand. Something familiar.

“He squeezed my hand!” Abby's free hand reached for his cheek and her thumb brushed away his tears.  
“I-I'm -” He couldn't finish his sentence. He was too exhausted of fighting.  
“You'll be fine. You're back.” Abby looked at Octavia and she could see her smiling. Her face filled with relief. She could just show the same reaction. Tears of gladness filled her eyes.  
“I will give you something so you can finally rest. You will be ok.”  
She placed a kiss on his forehead and went to the other bedsite to prepare the syringe.  
“What are you doing?” Octavia looked from the needle to Kane and then back to Abby. She stood between him and Abby. Like she wanted to protect him from her, like she would harm him. At first it made Abby angry. She was the chief of medical. She had been the chancellor of this camp. She was his girlfriend. So yes, she exactly knew what's best for him. But it didn't suit her to question Abbys' knowledge about medical stuff or Marcus. Something came to her mind. What if Marcus told Octavia about his dislike with needles? Maybe he told her the cause of his fears. He never told Abby but she knew. Vera told her because he always tried to avoid medical. Abby cooled down and a little smile crossed her face, she was glad that the tensed atmosphere was just about Octavia protecting Marcus from his fears when he couldn't defend himself, not from her.  
“I know he won't like it but he needs that. He won't feel anything and I will tell him. So please let me pass Octavia. I know that you're worried but it will be alright.”  
As Abby passed her to get to the man she loved, Octavia stood next to the bed and watched her talking to Kane.  
“Marcus, I'm sorry but you need this. It will make you feel better and you won't feel any pain, okay?”

He saw the needle in her hand. He breathed in sharply. Why would she do something like this to him? She knew him. Every part. Even if he didn't told her his whole story, she knew. But he was too exhausted to set on a fight. He was scared but even more of the possibility of losing control again than of the needle. Tiredness wrapped him.  
“Please..”  
“Marcus, I will be here to watch over you. I won't leave. But you need to rest more than just an hour.”  
She looked in his eyes. He was afraid but also in pain, she had to do it. She placed the needle so she could push the medicine into him while she was talking.  
“Just look at me, alright?” His eyes met hers. “I love you Marcus and I won't...”, she gently gave him the sedative, “...leave your side. I will be here when you wake up. You're safe.”

'You're safe' were the last words he heard and then Abby became blurred. He wanted to tell her that he loves her too, but he couldn't. Everything went dark.

 

~

 

“I'm sorry, Abby.” Octavia looked at her. “It looked like I didn't trust you but I do. It's just...”  
“I know. There's nothing you have to be sorry about.”  
“Good. I'm glad he's going to be ok..”  
“Me too.”  
Abby moved Marcus a little bit to sat down next to him, her left hand never leaving his right one.  
“You're like a daughter to him, you know? I never saw him trusting another person like this besides me. And I think that you feel about this the same way. You're healing each other, Octavia. And as I said 'He needs you too' I meant it like that.”

Octavia didn't know where to look at. Almost every day she sat down by the fire, joined by Kane and they were talking. Sometimes just about their days, sometimes about their pasts. They talked about good things but also about all the bad stuff that happened. Life has never been easy for both of them. Anyway she could never name their relationship. She knew they were more than friends but they never talked about it. 'Daughter'. Until this moment she was no ones daughter down on earth. She had a mother but family was a word she only connected her brother with. And Lincoln. It hurt when she thought about him but she found a way to cope with her grief. Kane helped her with that. A warm feeling overcame her.  
“Yes, I think I do. I will go back to my room, would you call me when he's awake?”  
“Of course. Thank you for all your help today.” Abby smiled at her, thankful for her presence.  
“Thanks, sure.” She walked towards the door but as she opened it she took a look back. “And Abby? I'm glad he has you, too. Otherwise he wouldn't be the man who he is now and he knows that.” She turned around and left.

Abby stared at the point where Octavia stood just a few seconds ago. Warmth filled her heart which only happened when she had this special feeling regarding other people. The feeling of a growing family. Family.  
That was the word which brought Abby back to the most important person in her life besides Clarke. To her best friend, her partner, the man she loved. She looked down at him. His features were relaxed. Only his body trembled a little but compared to his state just a few minutes ago he looked peaceful. She sat up and grabbed the fabric next to him. While carefully putting his body with one hand, she stroked his cheek. “We're getting through this together...” she whispered. After a few minutes she laid the fabric to the ground, kissed him on his forehead and climbed back to Marcus' side under the blanket. Her hand was stroking his hair. Normally she did that to calm him down but now he won't feel her hand running through his thick, dark brown hair... now it was only calming her. Slowly she falled asleep, one hand resting on his chest.

She woke up when she felt a movement under her hand. He was slowly waking up, eyes still closed.  
“Marcus..” she whispered, afraid that she would startle him if she talked too loud. He opened his eyes, looked at her and a small smile graced his face. She stroked his cheek and spoke a little louder.  
“Hey there, how do you feel?”  
“A little tired, I guess.”  
His expression hardened, she could see that the memories of last night came back.  
“Hey..”. She laid a hand on his arm. “You're ok.”  
He just nodded and tried to smile to make her believe he was. He failed.  
“Marcus, you are not alone. We're in this together, remember?”  
He squeezed her hand.  
“Thank you, Abby.”  
They just stared at each other until Marcus began to cough. She helped him to sat up. He was still hot and he wasn't drinking enough.  
“You still have fever but I think you got through the worst of it.”  
She walked to the desk and handed him a glass of water.  
“I'm sorry Marcus..”, she looked him into the eyes, “I didn't want to sedate you, especially not with a needle. But you needed it, you..”  
“I know, you don't have to apologize. I'm glad you did it.”

He emptied the glass. He didn't know how long he slept but he still felt tired and limp.  
“Octavia asked for you. I can tell her that she can come by when you feel better. She cares a lot about you.”  
“That would be great, maybe..”, he felt so tired, his eyelids were too heavy to keep them up any longer, he closed his eyes, “..maybe I should rest a little..”, his voice just a mumble.

“Marcus!”, Abby was fast enough to catch him as he slumped.  
“Abby..”, his voice was just a whisper but she could hear that he was afraid. Afraid of going back to last night. Back to his past. She could feel shivers running through his body. She laid him down and started stroking his hair.  
“It's okay, everything is going to be alright..”.  
Neither his body nor his mind was strong enough to fight sleep. 

As he woke up, the first thing he saw was her. Abby. She sat next to him, her face buried in her hands. She startled as he laid a hand on her thigh and turned around. Her eyes were red and sad like she cried just a few minutes ago.  
“Abby, hey.”  
He slowly sat up.  
“Are you alright?”  
He cupped her face with his slight shaking hands so he could look at her. She looked at him confused until she remembered her breakdown.  
“Y-Yes, how are you??”  
Her hands wandered to his face as well. His temperature was lower than the last time she touched him.  
“Better.” He looked at her concerned. “Are you sure you're alright?”  
His voice was still croaked.  
“I just .. I can't lose you again, Marcus. Please don't leave me.”  
She started to cry and he embraced her, covered her back with his strong arms.

Safety. In his arms she always felt safe. She cried in his shoulder and she could hear him start crying too but he didn't let her go. They sat like that for a few minutes, until Marcus whispered “I won't”. Abby leaned back to look into his eyes.  
“I love you.”  
“I love you too.”

 

~

 

As Marcus felt a little better in the evening, Abby searched for Octavia. She found her sitting alone at the fire.  
“Octavia?”  
She turned around and sat up with a start, knowing what Abby wanted to say. All day she waited for her to show up and tell her that she could go to him.  
“He's waiting for you.”  
A smile graced Octavias face, Abby saw the relief in her eyes. They looked at each other for a few seconds. Before Octavia headed to the bedroom, she gave Abby a small nod.

She knocked at the door. But as soon as her hand hit it for the second time, she asked herself why she was doing this. He knew that she would come, so she just entered the room without waiting for his answer. He laid in the bed just like the last time she saw him. But now he was awake.  
His clothes were still soaked with sweat, but the trembling was almost unnoticeable and his expression nearly relaxed.  
“You look better”, Octavia said with a smirk. She closed the door.  
“I feel better too.” He couldn't hide the grin growing on his face.  
She let out a laugh, relieved that he had at least his humor back. She made her way to the bed and sat down next to him.  
“Thank you, for last night.”  
“There's nothing to thank me for..”  
“Yes, there is. You two were the ones who dragged me out. As I heard you I knew I had to fight. I don't think that I would have made it out like that alone..”  
She grabbed his hand.  
“A few days ago you told me that you will always have my back.. I hope you know that I have yours too.”  
They looked at each other, both small smiles on their faces.  
“I heard you and Abby talked about.. I mean, I do see you as a daughter but I never meant to..”, his look saddened, “..to push you somewhere. I'm sorry if that was the case. I'm not supposed to put it like that, I just want you to know.”  
Her heart dropped. He was sorry for feeling like a dad to someone who needed a father so desperately. Knowing him for some time now, she was aware of the fact that he felt unworthy for this kind of relationship.  
She squeezed his hand, her gaze didn't leave his desperate one.  
“It would be an honour for me to call you my dad”.  
His eyes lightened up, she could see the relief in them.  
“But you have to be aware of all the gossip when I call you 'dad' the first time in publicity.”  
He started to laugh.  
“I think I can handle that.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic ever, I would love to know what you guys think about it.  
> So please leave some comments :-)


End file.
